Individual, Couple, and Family Counselling

As Seen/Heard in the The Globe & Mail, Toronto Star, CFRB and Macleans magazine...

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Relationship Problems and Couples Counselling

The majority of couples who separate do so without ever seeking assistance from a trained professional. For those who do seek counselling, over fifty percent remain together and many report a vastly improved relationship. A small investment in time and money can prove to be invaluable in improving and, in some cases, even saving a relationship.

Most of my practice is spent in marriage counselling, so I have an enormous amount of experience in helping couples through marital difficulties.

If you would like to try counselling, you can come as a couple, or on your own. In most cases, as one partner begins to grow, the other partner agrees to participate, if only to find out what's making the difference. No one has has ever said "no" to attending to a session when I call myself.

If you come as a couple, I meet with you both twice to begin with. Then, in the third week, I meet with each of you individually to take a detailed family history. During the individual session, we also get a chance to talk 'privately,' with regards to any and all of your issues. After that, we meet again in a couples situation and continue until progress and change has occurred.

For those of you confronted with an infidelity, or an affair, I can assure you that, as long as you are both willing, the situation is not hopeless. Often, working through this type of difficulty can transform a marriage or relationship for the better, although that might seem more than a little difficult to imagine at the moment.

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Premarital Counselling

Pre-marital counselling has been a huge part of getting married in the United States since an American therapist made it her life's work and mission to get this course and concept out there.

It is now one of the most popular courses on university campuses, churches and synagogues. Ten States have already passed legislation that a couple cannot get married unless they have both taken this course.

I am pleased to offer it now myself. Depending on demand, I hope to offer it as an 8 week program--one couple meeting for 8 separate one hour sessions. If demand is there, I will attempt to integrate it into a group format as well.

Needless to say, the number of subjects we will touch upon are endless. (There is no pass or fail!) For those of you getting married, even for the second or third time, I cannot stress enough the importance of taking a workshop like this. Please feel free to call me for further information.

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Divorce Mediation

I have done many divorce mediations where both parties were amicable enough to discuss all of the issues at hand. Often, however, one partner is so angry and/or vengeful that mediation is not thought possible. As a result, tens of thousands of dollars and years of wasted negative energy are spent in courtrooms and with lawyers.

If you are amicable, I can do your divorce from A thru Z for a nominal sum of money. I have also developed a method of doing mediation where the splitting parties are not particularly amicable, but are united in the belief that as much of their money should stay in their hands as opposed to those of their lawyers. The increased cost is minimal. Please phone for further information.

I am especially sensitive to the needs of children throughout any separation, and recommend various family sessions to help all family members through the transition.

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Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

We have all heard of, and perhaps are literally experiencing, painful divorces that the media and others have coined a "divorce from hell."

Unfortunately, as if this kind of divorce were not bad enough, one parent is often so angry that they start literally brainwashing and programming their children to hate the other parent. The person acting in this way is "the alienating parent," the children are "the victims," and the parent subjected to this horrible behavior is known as "the targeted parent." At a certain point in time, often seemingly out of nowhere, some children no longer wish to have any contact with the targeted parent. In all cases, the alienated parent is so angry that they are scarcely aware of their horrendous behavior and sometimes, therapy is effective. In other cases, the alienating parent has a personality disorder, there is no awareness at all, only total denial about their behavior and that of their children. At this point, the victimized parent must somehow seek help in spite of all of this.

Up until recently, this family problem did not have a true diagnostic name. Dr. Richard Gardner, now deceased, coined the phrase "Parental Alienation Syndrome" (PAS) and almost overnight, it has become a problem of enormous magnitude. The 'naming' of a problem would hardly constitute a reason for its increasing visibility but this in fact seems to be what has happened. I think some people were so traumatized by it that, without a name, they could barely speak about it. It is both a psychological problem and a legal one. The relationship between the children and the targeted victim suffers to a point of literally no contact, often for years and decades. The victims, the children who grow up to become adults raised in this environment, are prone to numerous psychological and emotional difficulties.

When still under sixteen years of age, the victimized parent can sue the alienating parent, and mothers have lost access to their children, been fined enormous amounts of money, and even sentenced to jail as it is a form of child abuse. As adults themselves, the 'victims' can also sue the alienating parent for all of the aforementioned. If you think that PAS is occurring in your family, seek help immediately. And if you think your ex-spouse in poisoning the minds of your children, be ever vigilant for its signs and when in doubt, better to be safe than sorry. One of the worst parts of this problem is that it can literally rear its head in seconds, and in what seems like a blink of an eye, your children do not want to even talk with you. Taking the 'higher road' is often a road to disaster. Seek professional help immediately. I cannot stress enough your vigilance in regards to this matter.

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Sexual Problems

Many clients have difficulty talking about sexual problems, but it's much more common that you might think. The lament of "he/she's just not interested anymore," rings loud and clear throughout therapists' offices on a daily basis.

Low libido, no libido, high libido, Internet porn fan--the issues of sex, ever present in the media and selling us everything from soap to Viagra, often keep us lost in the mystery of sexual vitality. Yet at the heart of almost every good relationship I have ever seen, is a good sex life, and that means many things to many people. It is one of the most loving and intimate things to cherish in a relationship, and I will do my utmost to help get you back on track.

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Eating Disorders including Obesity

I offer treatment for those with problems related to anorexia or bulimia. My protocol is based on an eclectic multi-modal therapy developed by the leading experts in the field. Whether a teenage girl experiencing eating problems for the first time or someone who has struggled before and discovers that it has either returned or in fact never truly gone away, we will work through this problem so you are free from it at last.

While many of us think of eating disorders mainly as bulimia and anorexia, it is most unfortunate that obesity has now overtaken both of those combined as the number one problem. The reasons are too numerous to mention in this space. In the next five years, statistics indicate that problems related to being overweight will become the Number One cause of death in North America.

We do not use the word 'diet' in our approach to this subject. We offer you a comprehensive lifestyle change program that includes an investigation into any emotional causes of overeating, a change in eating habits, recommendations for exercise, stress management techniques and many, many more such strategies.

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Teenager and Adolescent Problems

For many, many years, had you asked me what was the majority of my practice, I would have said "marriage counselling." No longer. I am seeing more teenagers and young adults, with or without their parents, than I ever have. I don't believe necessarily that the problems are any worse than days gone by. The difference I believe is that life has become so stressful for most of us that when problems surface in this area, we are much more inclined to seek out professional help.

I need not go through the entire list of problems. Depression, low self-esteem, drug and alcohol use, bullying, difficulties in relationships, both with friends and family, are just a few. You are undoubtedly reading this because you are encountering one, if not a few of them. Interestingly enough, unlike almost any other emotional problem known to us, there are absolutely no classic textbooks on this subject which I actually find to be quite amazing and perhaps speaks in itself volumes on the problem.

Nevertheless, I have had enormous success working with your children and nothing brings me more professional pride and pleasure than helping a young man or woman sort out their problems and head down a new, more promising road. And I am also certain that nothing would bring you more comfort and pleasure to see some progress and positive change in their behavior and lives. Come on in!

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Anger Management

Easily the largest part of my practice next to marriage counselling is anger management. I do anger management counselling for individuals seeking help on their own. I also see those who have been in trouble with the police and are seeking counselling through the advice of their lawyers. I will explain to you the way we all get physiologically angry, and offer a multitude of techniques and suggestions for controlling your anger.

If you have been charged by the police for domestic or simple assault, I run an 8-session individual program and write letters to your lawyer, as you proceed through the system and process, right up until your final day in court.

If it has been a domestic situation and both individuals wish the relationship to continue, I will see the other partner individually, until you can come together. I believe that counselling for both partners is the most important part of this predicament. Your lawyer can often obtain a variance allowing you each come on your own to my office and meet there as a couple. At the end of our session, I will escort you both to your cars.

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Stress Management

Stress Management is easily the fastest growing part of my practice. Many of us are so stressed out these days that we are too stressed to even think about it! Yet stress-related problems have become the most common reasons people seek the services of a mental health care professional. It has also been predicted that stress-related physical problems will soon replace heart disease as the number one cause of death.

Stress is related to either a surplus or deficiency of cortisol, and/or adrenal burnout. Interestingly enough, there is not a prescription drug or medication in the world that works for the reduction of extreme stress.

I take a holistic approach to health, and consider all aspects of your life before making an assessment. I use the following techniques to relieve stress and anxiety without medication:

• relaxation exercises
• breath work
• mental imagery
• trance work

I will teach you a number of ways to deal with the stressors in your life, and with a little effort, you will find some that work for you and start working with them on a daily basis. Compassion, attitudinal healing, acceptance of oneself and others, letting go, and love and forgiveness are necessary components for relieving anger, which is often an underlying cause of stress.

For those of you struggling with anger and stress issues, I will teach you the number one most effective stress reduction technique in the world. There have been literally thousands of research projects done on it to date. It is called "The Relaxation Response."

By listening for 30 days to a CD I will provide you, you will learn how to relax and compose yourself in literally one second. Whether sTOPping anxiety or anger, this technique works! By listening to and doing the exercises while the CD plays for a 30 day period, you will then be able to "call on it" at will, and once learned, will remain with you forever. It has to be learned and experienced to be believed but I promise you that it will be THE most effective technique you have at your disposal to deal with the stress of daily life.

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Anxiety, Depression and Mood Disorders

While often separate and distinct, I call anxiety and depression 'kissing cousins,' at times one changing into the other, sometimes from hour to hour.

Depression can take countless, very distinct forms, and there are at least as many causes. It is of the utmost importance that you have an accurate diagnosis and subsequent form of treatment.

Those of you suffering from anxiety, or panic attacks, will receive two of the most effective techniques in relieving your anxiety in your very first session.

With fewer side effects and safer doses, many family physicians have had success in treating their patients with the new generation of anti-depressants. However, study after study proves that similar results can be achieved through psychotherapy.

If necessary, I can work closely with your family doctor, in regards to medication you are already taking, or perhaps in need of.

While mood disorders can be debilitating, with a little effort and the right knowledge, some very simple techniques can turn things around very quickly.

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Addictions and Substance Abuse

All addictions have one common denominator: loss of control. While Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step recovery programs can be effective in dealing with substance abuse, they just don't work for everybody. Many abusers either sTOP on their own, or with the help of an addictions counseller. However, persons suffering from problems of addiction were 'often' children of abusers, or have deep-seated historical issues that need to be addressed via therapy.

I have adopted an integrative approach that makes use of 12-step programs as well as individual counselling. Over the course of my career, I have helped motivated individuals give up everything from gambling, to cocaine, to sexual addictions. This is a big part of my practice and I am pleased with the success rate achieved by my clients.

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Trauma and Abuse

I have been specially trained in the only truly effective technique for treating those who have been traumatized, or abused in any way, shape or form. Whether it is sexual abuse as a child, or the aftermath of a car accident, this technique is astonishing quick in its effectiveness.

In all the years I have been using this technique, I have never gone over 6 sessions for an outright cure. There are only a handful of therapists in Ontario trained in this technique and I am proud to be one of them. I have seen results that border on the miraculous, and take no credit for it myself as it is largely a self-healing process.

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Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders

I treat both children and adults with attention deficit disorder, with or without hyperactivity.

With children, whether they are on medication or not, I work with both the parents and children using the protocols developed by the world's leading authority on this controversial, but very real, problem. I conduct a verbal Adult ADD test that will tell me in about twenty minutes whether or not you have AD(H)D and to what degree.

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Child Psychology

In the past few years, I have seen more children than I have in my entire career. For my definition, children are anywhere from six years old into their early twenties. I believe that the stress of modern life, often with two parents working just to break even, is causing problems that both parents and children can no longer ignore.

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Personal Growth and Development

Psychologists call it the "family life cycle," but whatever you wish to call it, we are all at some point or another faced with decisions, critical situations, and life-altering events that sometimes even our best friends, parents or spouses, favorite uncles or local bartenders cannot help us with. Sometimes an objective ear is needed for just helping to work through a difficult situation. This adventure we call life is filled with twists and turns and sometimes we get lost. New directions are called for, and even the simplest suggestion from a third party may be all that is needed.

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Chronic Pain

Many people have suffered automobile or work-related injuries that have resulted in chronic pain. For those who have not endured agonizing pain day in and day out with no relief in sight, this condition is unfathomable. Treatment needs to take into consideration that those around you may not understand your true state of mind and being.

I work closely with the leading pain specialist in Canada, who will find the best protocol for managing your pain with proper medication. For those of you suffering emotionally as well, I will teach you special pain management techniques that you can utilize throughout the day, especially during moments of 'break-through pain.'

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Sports and Golf Psychology

I watched a Masters golf tournament one year and the TV interviewer asked a very famous golf figure who he thought was going to win. His answer was, "Whoever has got what's going on between his ears down perfect."

If you are not performing up to your peak abilities, it is usually due to muscle tension, lack of concentration, and anger over missed opportunities. I will teach you how to regain and maintain your focus so that you are operating at peak levels.

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Nutrition

I believe that your health, emotional and physical, depends upon the mind-body-spirit paradigm. I have worked for several years with a world famous nutritional healer and I will discuss your diet with you and make any suggestions in regards to vitamins, supplements and amino acids that you could/should be taking.

As a doctor, I represent some of the worlds leading manufacturers of what are called "medical grade supplements." These are not available in even the finest health food stores, and I highly recommend them, as opposed to what you can buy off of the shelf.

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Executive and Life Coaching

At various times in our lives, we sometimes need an objective ear and some advice on problems and situations that are not making us emotionally unwell, but have become problematic nevertheless. For some, it is thorough discussion and examination of your career and ambitions or your choice of lifestyle. "Is this all there is?" to quote a famous song. Some of you might be very satisfied in your chosen job but not getting along with a colleague or boss.

Others of you might be longing to run a bed and breakfast in cottage country and need some help in talking though such a life transition. The list is literally endless.

If you are wondering what is the difference between "coaching" and "counselling," the criteria that I myself use is that there are no major symptoms or problems. (yet). You are probably not suffering from debilitating anxiety, depression or bouts of anger. You are functioning well to say the least but find yourself at a crossroads or transitional time in your life and feel the need to talk to someone other than friends or family.

While I usually like to meet my clients sooner or later, as many of you know who have done any reading or research on this subject, much of coaching can be done on the phone, usually in half hour or hour long sessions. After formulating a plan and agreed upon number of hours, I usually write out a specific agreement for both of us to have available which we both sign. Wandering off course is entirely acceptable, but a game plan enables us both to focus on the task at hand. Payment is usually made in advance for a fixed number of sessions.

Of course please feel free to call me with any questions.

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